HALLOWEEN DOG COSTUMES

An over-achieving pug maximizes the altitude of his "mark"

                                                                       from icanhascheezburger.com

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A Collection Of Spam Haiku

Grotesque pinkish mass
In a blue can on a shelf
Quivering alone

Like some spongy rock
A granite, my piece of Spam
In sunlight on my plate

Oh Argentina!
Your little tin of meat soars
Above the pampas

The color of Spam
is natural as the sky:
A block of sunrise

Little slab of meat
In a wash of clear jelly
Now I heat the pan

Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?

In the cool morning
I fry up a slab of Spam
A dog barks next door

Pink tender morsel
Glistening with salty gel
What the hell is it?

Ears, snouts, and innards,
A homogeneous mass
Pass another slice

Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat
Give me a spork please

Old man seeks doctor
"I eat Spam daily", he says.
Angioplasty

Highly unnatural
The tortured shape of this "food"
A small pink coffin

Slicing your sweet self
Salivating in suspense
Sizzle, sizzle..Spam

Pink beefy temptress
I can no longer remain
Vegetarian

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Proposed Warranty Registration for McDonnell Douglas

This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by
an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of
course, does not - and made the web department take it down immediately.
(In case you don't know: McDonnell Douglas is one of the world's chief
suppliers of military aircraft).
  ________________________________________________________________

   

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires. 1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other First Name: ...................................................... Initial: ........ Last Name: ....................... Password: ........ (max 8 char) Code Name: ................................. Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ........... .......... 2. Which model aircraft did you purchase? [_] F-14 Tomcat [_]F-15 Eagle [_]F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A Stealth [_] Classified 3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 2... / .. / .. 4. Serial Number: ................................................. 5. Please check where this product was purchased: [_] Received as gift / aid package [_] Catalog showroom [_] Independent arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store [_] Government surplus [_] Classified 6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased: [_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was attacked by one 7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: [_] Style / appearance [_] Speed / maneuverability [_] Price / value [_] Comfort / convenience [_] Kickback / bribe [_] Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation [_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat 8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used: [_] North America [_] Central / South America [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Europe [_] Middle East [_] Africa [_] Asia / Far East [_] Misc. Third World countries [_] Classified 9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future: [_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD Player [_] Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle [_] Home Computer [_] Nuclear Weapon 10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply:) [_] Communist / Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral [_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_] Primitive / Tribal 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product? [_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcases of cocaine [_] Oil revenues [_] Personal check [_] Credit card [_] Ransom money [_] Traveler's check 12. Your occupation: [_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_] Revolutionary [_] Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant [_] Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire [_] Defense Minister / General [_] Retired [_] Student 13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis: [_] Golf [_] Boating / sailing [_] Sabotage [_] Running / jogging [_] Propaganda / disinformation [_] Destabilization / overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening [_] Crafts [_] Black market / smuggling [_] Collectibles / collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_] Interrogation / torture [_] Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage / reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing [_] Border disputes [_] Mutually Assured Destruction Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division P.O. Box 800 St. Louis, MO

  
  

 

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The Decline of Education as Seen in the Evolution of a Math Problem

1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
four-fifths of this price. What is his profit?

1970 (traditional math):
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is
four-fifths of this price, or in other words $80. What is his profit?

1970 (new math):
A logger exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality
of set M is 100, and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing
the elements of set M. The set C is a subset of set M, of cardinality 80.
What is the cardinality of the set P of profits, if P is the difference set M\C?

1980:
A logger sells a truckload of wood for $100. His cost of production is $80,
and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

1990 (outcome based education):
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, a logger person makes $20. What do
you think of his way of making a living? In your group, discuss how the
forest birds and squirrels feel, and write an essay about it.

2000 (fostering self esteem through math)
Break into groups and discuss the importance of mathematics
in the world of the future. Back at your desks, write the phrase
"I am a good mathematician" ten times on a piece of paper. Abbreviation
of the word "mathematics" (to "MATH") is permitted.

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American Demographics

Did you know that...

+ Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
+ 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
+ Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
+ 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
+ 85% of men don't use the slit in their underwear.
+ 67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
+ The average bra size today is 36C whereas 10 years ago it was a 34B.
+ 85% of women wear the wrong bra size.
+ 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
+ 13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring's homework.
+ 91% of us lie regularly.
+ 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
+ 29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
+ 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
+ 90% believe in divine retribution.
+ 10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
+ 82% believe in an afterlife.
+ 45% believe in ghosts.
+ 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
+ 29% of us are virgins when we marry.
+ 58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
+ 10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.
+ Over 50% believe in spanking - but only a child over 2 years old.
+ 35% give to charity at least once a month.
+ How far would you go for $10 million? 25% would abandon their friends, family, and religion. 7% would murder.
+ 69% eat the cake before the frosting.
+ When nobody else is around, 47% drink straight from the carton.
+ 85% of us will eat Spam this year.
+ 70% of us drink orange juice daily.
+ Snickers is the most popular candy.
+ 22% of us skip lunch daily.
+ 9% of us skip breakfast daily.
+ 66% of us eat cereal regularly.
+ 22% of all restaurant meals include French fries.
+ 14% of us eat the watermelon seeds.
+ Only 13% brush our teeth from side to side.
+ 45% use mouthwash every day.
+ 22% leave the glob of toothpaste in the sink.
+ The typical shower is 101 degrees F.
+ Nearly 1/3 of US women color their hair.
+ 9% of women and 8% of men have had cosmetic surgery.
+ 53% of women will not leave the house without makeup on.
+ 58% of women paint their nails regularly.
+ 62% of us pop our zits.
+ 33% of women lie about their weight. (Only 33%?)
+ 10% of us claim to have seen a ghost.
+ 57% have had deja vu.
+ 49% believe in ESP.
+ 4 out of 5 of us have suffered from hemorrhoids.
+ The average girl starts her period at age 12.
+ 44% have broken a bone.
+ Only 30% of us know our cholesterol level.
+ 14% have attended a self-help meeting.
+ 15% regularly go to a shrink.
+ 78% would rather die quickly than live in a retirement home.
+ 46.5% of men say they ALWAYS put the seat down after they've used the toilet, yet women claim to AWAYS find it up.
+ 30% of us refuse to sit on a public toilet seat.
+ 54.2% of us always wash our hands after using the toilet.
+ 23.5% admit they don't always flush.
+ 45.2% pee in the shower.
+ 44.9% pee in the ocean.
+ 28.1% pee in the pool.
+ 55.2% will let someone else come in the bathroom while they're using the toilet.
+ 39% of us peek in our host's bathroom cabinet.
+ 17% have been caught by the host.
+ 81.3% would tell an acquaintance to zip his pants.
+ 29% of us ignore RSVP.
+ 71.6% of us eavesdrop.
+ 22% are functionally illiterate.
+ Less than 10% are trilingual.
+ 37% claim to know how to use all the features on their VCR.
+ 53% prefer ATM machines over tellers.
+ 56% of women do the bills in a marriage.
+ 2 out of 3 of us wouldn't give up our spouse even for a night for a million bucks.
+ 20% of us have played in a band at one time in our life.
+ 40% of us have had music lessons.
+ 44% reuse tinfoil.
+ 57% save pretty gift paper to reuse.
+ 66% of women and 59% of men have used a mix to cook and taken credit for doing it from scratch.
+ 53% read their horoscopes regularly.
+ 16% of us have forgotten our own wedding anniversary (mostly men).
+ 59% of us say we're average-looking.
+ Blacks are more than twice as likely to call themselves beautiful.
+ 90% of us depend on alarm clocks to wake us.
+ 53% of us would take advice from Ann Landers.
+ 28% of us have skinny-dipped. 14% with the opposite sex.
+ 51% of adults dress up for a Halloween festivity.
+ On average, we send 38 Christmas cards every year.
+ 20% of women consider their parents to be their best friends.
+ 2 out of 5 have married their first love.
+ The biggest cause of matrimonial fighting is money.
+ Only 4% asked the parents' approval for their bride's hand.
+ 1 in 5 men proposed on his knees.
+ 6% propose over the phone.
+ 71% can drive a stick-shift car.
+ 45% of us consistently follow the speed limit.
+ 2/3 of us speed up at a yellow light.
+ 1/3 of us don't wear seat belts.
+ 12% of men never use their car blinkers.
+ 44% of men tailgate to speed up the person in front of them.
+ 25% of us drive after we've been drinking.
+ 4 out of 5 sing in the car.

Now... how normal are you???

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Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m.instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

23. The ballerina raised gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Quotes from Medical Records...

Just when you thought it was safe to go to the doctor... The following quotes were taken from real medical records.

- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
 - I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
 - By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
 - She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in
  bed last night.
 - Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
 - The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
 - Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her
  up.
 - I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he
  stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
 - Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
 - The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of
  him.
 - Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
 - The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of
  acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the
  emergency room.
 - Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
 - The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and
  crashed.
 - She is numb from her toes down.
 - While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
 - Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
 - The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician,
  who breathed and cried immediately.
 - Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
 - She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she
  got a divorce.
 - The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently
  enrolled in day care three times a week.
 - Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued to Los Angeles.
 - Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
 - Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
 - The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker
  instead.

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Quotes from Legal Records...

Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
4.  Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
      A: "No."
      Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
      A: "No."
      Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
      A: "No."
      Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
      A: "No."
      Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
      A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
      Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
      A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
6. "Did he kill you?"
7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"
10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
      A: "Yes."
      Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
      A: "Yes."
      Q: "How many were boys?"
      A: "None."
      Q: "Were there any girls?"
12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
      A: "Yes."
      Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
      A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
      Q: "And you took your new wife?"
14.Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
      A: "By death."
      Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
      A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
      Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
 16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
      A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
 17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
      A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
 18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
      A: "Oral."
 19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
      A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
      Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
      A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an  autopsy."
20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
      A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."
21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
      A: "I have been since early childhood."

Hip Hop Translations

__________________________________________________
Artist: Notorious B.I.G.
Album: Ready to Die
Song: One more chance (remix)
Lyrics:

 First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
 Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin' money
 Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get nathan'
 But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
 Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
 Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
 However, I stay coochied down to the socks
 Rings and watch filled with rocks

TRANSLATION:

As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all
kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude
magazine models, and whores.  I particularly enjoy sexual encounters
with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact
that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of
course, they douche on a consistent basis.  Although I am  extremely 
unattractive,I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some
regularity.  Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and
expensive jewelery.  
 

Lyrics:

And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
Girls pee pee when they see me, Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee
As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit

TRNSL:

I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo.  Apparently, women
enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused when they see me
driving.  Oddly enough, when I visit the Native American reservations,
some of the more sexually promiscuous Indian women attempt to seduce
me in their homes.  Their intent is to divest me of my earnings.  Such
actions are unacceptable.

Lyrics:

Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it
Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it
In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia
I don't know what the hell's stoppin' ya
I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya
Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin

TRNSL:

Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my weapons.
I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged in violent
sexual acts.  Currently, I am rapping with my associates, the Junior
Mafia.  I'm having some difficulty understanding why you refuse to
approach me. I am attempting to make eye contact with you through my
expensives glasses, and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will
approach you.

Lyrics:

First I talk about how I dress and this
And diamond necklesses - stretch Lexuses
The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
Climax that your man can't make
Call and tell him you'll be home real late
Let's sing the break

TRNSL:

I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my wardrobe
and jewelery, then I like to discuss my collection of expensive cars.
This is more than enough to convince you to have sexual intercourse
with me.  I am able to insert my penis further into you when I enter
you from behind.  Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm.  I
understand this to be a problem with your current sexual partner.
He needn't be concerned about your whereabouts.  Please phone him and 
inform him that you won't be home for a while. By the way, please sing the
chorus of the song for me also.
 

Lyrics:

She's sick of that song on how it's so long
Thought he worked his until I handled my biz
There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans
Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan
Schemin' - don't bring your girl 'round me
True player for real, ask Puff Daddy

TRNSL:

Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your fabrications
about the length of your member.  After I had sexual intercourse with
your woman, she became enlightened as to the proper way it is supposed
to be performed; violently and immorally.  It would be in your best
interest to keep your woman away from me as my sexual prowess is very
strong.  If you are unconvinced, ask your brother.

Lyrics:

You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel
Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel
Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell
She beeped me, meet me at twelve

TRNSL:

Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep with
bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end model Mercedes
Benz which you financed by signing over your current vehicle)
containing an expensive stereo and a cellular phone, your woman has
contacted me through my pager indicating that we should rendezvous at
midnight.

Lyrics:

Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car notes?
While I'm swimmin' in ya women like the breast stroke
Right stroke, left stroke what's the best stroke
Death stroke - tongue all down her throat
Nuthin' left to do but send her home to you
I'm through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?

TRNSL:

You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to maintain
payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your woman.
Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual intercourse and commit lewd
osculatory acts with your women.  My only remaining option is to
request that they leave my home and return to you because I have
reached orgasm and no longer have a need for their presence.

Lyrics:

So, what's it gonna be? Him or me?
We can cruise the world with pearls
Gator boots for girls
The envy of all women, crushed linen
Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in 'em
The finest women I love with a passion
Ya man's a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin'

TRNSL:

The ultimate decision rests with you.  Whom do you choose as your
sexual partner.  I can take you on cruises around the world.  I will
dress you in the finest jewelery and footwear.  You will be envied by
women worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelery.  There is a special
place in my heart for beautiful women.  I will shoot your man in an
altercation because he is effeminate.

Lyrics:

High fashion - flyin' into all states
Sexin' me while your man masturbates
Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at eight
Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds
Lyrically I'm supposed to represent
I'm not only the client, I'm the player president

TRNSL:

You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris.  I will
fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelery.  You
will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will be forced to
pleasure himself through manual stimulation.  What a life!  I'll
return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o'clock flight.  The
timing is perfect becuase I have scheduled a date with a second woman
who arrives at the same gate at 9 o'clock.  I'll seduce her in the
same way that I seduced you.  I rap well and I am a positive
reflection of my hometown.  Not only am I a sexually deviant,
misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute, but I also sit on the
board of directors of the organization that governs others of my
kind.

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NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

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Miners Refuse to Work After Death
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Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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Recommended Links

Very Funny Ads achive

Martha Stewart Prison Diary

Who Are You?: a Collection of Online Personality Tests

Illustration by Sir John Tenniel (1866)

Alice in Wonderland (by Lewis Carroll) Chapter 5: " The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence. At last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice. `Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar. This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'

The Fastest Ennegram Test Online Your big chance to complete a Briggs Meyers Personality test in five minutes!

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Film Clips of Note (not necessarily humor)

Sean Penn vs. Stephen Colbert: Meta-Free-Phor-All

Some Gigs Go Well... Some Don't : comedian gets punched onstage

6 Formerly Kickass Creatures Ruined by Evolution 

Jesus Christ: the Gay Musical

Michael Jackson's "Billy Jean" sung as a torch song

The Birther Song

A Chapel Made of Human Bones

500 Years of Womens Portraits Morphed in Sequence

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